i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
