Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She even gives head with a lisp.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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