how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I still have a little drunk in my system
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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