Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
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I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
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You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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