I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
