I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
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In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
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Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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