i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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