My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Blood and glitter go together right?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
