I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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