I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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