Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
