Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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