I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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