this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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