Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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