apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
