why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
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Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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