well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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