I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There r osticjed everywhere
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
