somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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