So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
