Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
