508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
