yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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