Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
