You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
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Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
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oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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