Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Randomize
