we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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