the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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