Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
