I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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