my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
