dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!