So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.