we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
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I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
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She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar