I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"