i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.