he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...