The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize