Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I cut my penus on the lid.
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oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
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do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.