Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful