Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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