I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize