just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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