this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
