For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
