You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I enjoy the company of your penis
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
