all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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