What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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