paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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