That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
