I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
