I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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