I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
