i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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