Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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