i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.