she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...