grinding to god bless the USA? really?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.